Table of Contents
Author's Note ix
Prologue xi
"I Forgot How to Pray" xv
Part 1 Before the Sunset
Chapter 1 "Kick the Dust Off Your Shoes" 3
Chapter 2 Broken Soul 12
Chapter 3 I Am Trying … but I Am Not a Saint 23
Chapter 4 "We Don't Deal with Emotions" 31
Chapter 5 "The Hellhole of the Pacific" 36
Chapter 6 Burnt Candles 39
Chapter 7 Wild Sorrow 50
Part 2 Genesis of Family
Chapter 8 "Ya Tebe Lyublyu" 57
Chapter 9 Descent into Darkness 63
Chapter 10 When the Demons Arrive 69
Chapter 11 A Walk to the Corner Store 78
Chapter 12 When Love Goes Missing 87
Part 3 Sinner
Chapter 13 Do the Birds Still Sing in Hell? 97
Chapter 14 Dripping Blood 101
Chapter 15 Darkness and Friends 108
Chapter 16 When the Vampires Sank Their Fangs into My Soul 116
Part 4 Transition
Chapter 17 White Feather at New Age People 127
Chapter 18 Masquerade of the Wolf 131
Part 5 Homeless
Chapter 19 Turkey Run State Park 139
Chapter 20 White Tiger 148
Chapter 21 Painted Feelings 155
Chapter 22 Broken Love Pieces, Broken Heart Pieces 159
Chapter 23 The Great Pretender 166
Chapter 24 The Rave and Handcuffs 170
Chapter 25 Jane Doe 178
Chapter 26 Homecoming 186
Chapter 27 Kiss Me Goodbye 191
Part 6 California
Chapter 28 The City of Angels 201
Chapter 29 A Little Dream 208
Chapter 30 Wanderlust 212
Chapter 31 Is God Still Watching? 217
Chapter 32 The Explorer in a New Home 223
Chapter 33 The Intruder 228
Chapter 34 Mega-Big Stars at Hollywood Parties 236
Chapter 35 I Will Die if I Continue 241
Part 7 Stronger
Chapter 36 San Diego Triathlon 251
Part 8 Full Circle, The Sunset
Chapter 37 The Tone It Up Fitness Festival Tour 259
Chapter 38 The Hero's Journey 264
Epilogue 268
Lessons I Have Learned That Might Help You 275
About the Author 279