This Marriage?: The Question that Changed Everything
This Marriage?: The Question that Changed Everything
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Overview
Have you ever said to yourself “There has got to be more to marriage than this?”
Nine years in, they could check all the boxes: a promising career in the NFL, two beautiful kids, fitness, friends, and financial security. It was picture perfect until one jarring question from a desperate wife shook the foundation of their marriage and exposed the truth.
- Have you come to a point in your marriage where it is time to make a decision?
- Will you settle for the status quo indefinitely?
- Do you feel like giving up and getting out?
- Are you ready to go deeper at any cost?
If these questions strike a chord with you, you’ve picked up the right book. You will find yourself here as Dave and Lizzy Canales recount their journey with poignant and often painful honesty.
Whether you’re fighting to save your relationship, walking in redemption, or anything in between, This Marriage? is an invitation into the high-risk adventure of an authentic and thriving marriage.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781641467384 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Blackstone Publishing |
| Publication date: | 09/13/2022 |
| Sales rank: | 398,407 |
| Product dimensions: | 5.50(w) x 8.60(h) x 0.50(d) |
About the Author
She holds a Masters in Secondary Health Education, is passionate about nutrition, the mountains, nature and doing anything challenging that makes her better.
Her and husband Dave Canales live in the Seattle area with their four children Ashby, Benjamin, Beatrice and Amaya.
Dave Canales, author and American football coach who is the offensive passing game coordinator for the Seattle Seahawks of the NFL.
Named to Seattle’s coaching staff on February 4, 2010, Dave Canales entered the NFL after one season as USC’s offensive administrative assistant in 2009.
Canales enters his first season as the Seahawks offensive passing game coordinator after spending two years as the team’s quarterbacks coach (2018-19) and three years as the wide receivers coach (2015-2017).
In Canales’ ten years with the Seahawks, he has played a variety of instrumental roles in helping the team to eight playoff appearances. He served as assistant quarterbacks coach for two years, during the Super Bowl XLVIII championship season and the 2014 NFC Championship season. He was the quality control/offense coach the previous three years working with wide receivers and quarterbacks (2010-2012).
At USC in 2009, he was an assistant strength coach, video assistant and worked with quarterbacks, during a year that the Trojans won the Emerald Bowl.
He came to USC from El Camino (Calif.) College, where he was the tight ends coach and special teams coordinator, coaching quarterbacks in his final season (2006-08). The Warriors football team won the California Community College State Championship in 2006 and won the Mission Conference twice during his tenure.
It was during his time at El Camino College that Canales forged an invaluable relationship with Pete Carroll and the USC staff through working as a part-time coach at the annual Pete Carroll football camps.
David and his wife, Lizzy, and four children, Ashby, Benjamin, Beatrice and Amaya live in the Seattle area.
Tony Dungy is a
#1 New York Times bestselling author whose books include Quiet Strength
and Uncommon. He led the Indianapolis
Colts to victory in Super Bowl XLI, the first such win for an
African American head coach. He retired from coaching in 2009 and now serves as a studio analyst for NBC’s Football Night in America.
Read an Excerpt
Chapter 1: The Question
I knew something was wrong with our Suburban for a while. But, like most things, until it was an emergency, I was not going to do anything about it. My husband was still in season working 16-hour days when it started sounding funny, so I didn’t have his help to diagnose the problem. I thought that maybe there was some debris stuck in the wheel or tire. Surely, the squeaking sound I was hearing off and on was eventually going to resolve itself, right? After a month or so of rationalizing the strange things I was hearing from my car, I finally caved after Dave commented that it was driving funny. When we returned from our annual post-season vacation to Hawaii, I made an appointment to have it checked.
The 15-minute drive to the mechanic was peaceful, the bright winter sun warming my face as we laughed and sang along to the music, still in vacation mode. The mood changed in an instant as I went to hit the brake, and my foot slammed all the way to the floor. The whole car shuddered as I vice-gripped the steering wheel, willing the car over to the side of the road. When I finally had the car pulled into a safe space, I realized time had warped to a standstill. As I relaxed my hands and took a few deep breaths, time began to move forward again. My entire body was shaking as I unloaded the kids and the stroller, still reeling from how quickly it all happened. Dave drove the final two blocks to the repair shop while I waited at the park, still trembling as I watched the kids happily racing around the playground, unaware of the miracle that had just occurred for us to walk away unscathed.
An hour later, the mechanic called. “Well, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is, the entire wheel bearing came clean off, and the brake on that side failed as well. The good news is, we can get the repair done today, and you’ll be back on the road!”
Are you kidding me?! I thought. What if we had been driving down the freeway when that had happened? What would I have done if I had been alone?
Overwhelmed with relief, we turned the day into a family adventure. We played at the park, got coffee, and went for a long walk by the creek. The glorious and rare sunny February day felt idyllic considering the circumstances, and we made the most of it. We picked up the car after dinner, grateful that we were safe and relaxed after a fun, spontaneous family day. It wasn’t until we got home that I allowed myself to acknowledge that the wheel was coming off our family, too.
Unloading the kids from the car, exhausted from the roller coaster of a day, Dave jolted me back to reality. “Hey, Jason and I are going to go grab a beer.”
The joyride of our post-vacation glow and the relief of a near-catastrophe-turned-unexpected-adventure came to a grinding halt as I stared down the face of how I really felt. Sure, the season was over, and his hours were better for family life, but he was still going to be on his own program when something came up that he didn’t want to miss out on. I was left to take care of our home. Alone. Again.
“So, I’m just going to put the kids to bed by myself then?” There was no doubt my cutting tone revealed the anger I felt at yet another night left to manage on my own. He paused, looking at me for an indication of what his next move should be.
“No, it’s fine. Just go.”
He waited, gauging my reaction and words for their merit. I felt the icy claw of resentment slowly replace the heat of seething anger coursing through my body. Knowing that my feelings had not made a lasting change before, even if I spoke them aloud, I turned on my heels and started the bedtime routine.
It wasn’t until later that night, as I lay in bed trying to sleep despite the million thoughts in my head, that I began to process what I was feeling. In my anger, I wanted so badly just to roll over and go to sleep, to somehow make him pay for his decisions with a few days of distance and silence. I had done just that many times before, and although it didn’t actually fix anything, it made me feel better, and I knew how to manage that response. The problem was, I had started the book The Power of a Praying Wife, and I couldn’t shake what I was learning. I had opened it a few months earlier in my desperation and loneliness over a long away-game weekend. Looking for anything that would fix my silent struggle, I reached again for the book that had been a wedding present but sat collecting dust on our shelf for years.
The very first chapter made it clear that in order to pray for your husband, you have to first start “by praying for his wife.” The book is filled with topical prayers to pray for your husband, but I never got to any of those. I kept rereading the first chapter, unable to move on. On those late nights during the season, I had started asking the Lord to show me what I needed to change. Lying there again this night, I felt the distinct impression that I was not supposed to go to sleep, that I wasn’t to retreat to my old way of handling it. Tired and frustrated, I went to the next place of comfort: the fridge.
Staring blankly into the glowing light, I heard the guys talking downstairs. They had decided to stay in for drinks and cigars instead of going out. Curious, I crept to the top of the stairs to listen in. Were they praying? Now I was really confused. What was going on? After a few minutes of trying to hear what was being said, I settled back into bed. Staring up at the ceiling, I waited for whatever it was that I was supposed to be staying up for.
A little while later, my husband lumbered into bed, smelling strongly of cigars and beer. I think he was surprised to see me awake. Normally, I would have gotten into bed and willed myself to sleep so I didn’t have to deal with his coming in late. If he felt my resentment, he certainly didn’t let on. Instead, he excitedly launched into how great it was going to be having the players over to our house. “You know, to witness our marriage and family, to see how we do it here.”
Then the whisper in my heart changed everything, just as the brake failure on the Suburban had earlier. I waited quietly for a minute, gathering up the courage for what was about to come out of my mouth.
“This marriage?” I breathed out.
“You don’t think so?” he scoffed.
“I mean, I think we love each other. I think we have fun together. I think we do day-to-day life together day well. But do I think we have the type of marriage that the Bible talks about? Not really.”
The silence lay heavy in the darkness. I didn’t dare move, afraid if I rolled away, we might pretend I hadn’t said anything, and the conversation might end.
“Are you happy? I asked, somewhat bracing myself.
His response was immediate, hitting like a ton of bricks.
“No.”
It was flat. Truthful. Stark.
My relief was immediate. I wasn’t crazy. All this time, I thought that I was the only one feeling this way. I thought that something must have been wrong with me for feeling unsatisfied when so much of our life was good. This? This was new. Acknowledging that we were both profoundly dissatisfied had never happened before.
Nothing more was said after that. I think we both knew something deep in our marriage had shifted. As we drifted off to sleep in the silence, I could feel it. The tiniest spark of hope was kindled, beginning what would eventually turn into a wildfire, burning down the old marriage and bringing something entirely new from the ashes.
Table of Contents
CHAPTER 1: THE QUESTIONCHAPTER 2: THE OPEN DOOR
CHAPTER 3: TELLING THE TRUTH
CHAPTER 4: I LIKE YOU A LOT
CHAPTER 5: IS THIS REALLY IT?
CHAPTER 6: FAMILY MATTERS
CHAPTER 7: THE OSPREY
CHAPTER 8: BALLIN’ ON A BUDGET
CHAPTER 9: THE REAL, REAL HOUSEWIVES
CHAPTER 10: THE ONE THING
CHAPTER 11: WHAT ELSE?
CHAPTER 12: THOSE POOR GIRLS…
CHAPTER 13: FULLY KNOWN
CHAPTER 14: WHAT BRINGS YOU IN TODAY?
CHAPTER 15: NOTHING HIDDEN
CHAPTER 16: APRIL 15
CHAPTER 17: HOW DID WE GET HERE?
CHAPTER 18: DON’T EXPORT IT
CHAPTER 19: IT’S ALWAYS THE RIGHT TIME
CHAPTER 20: EMOTIONAL EDUCATION
CHAPTER 21: THE NEXT MYSTICAL RIDGELINE
CHAPTER 22: HOUSE OF HEALING
CHAPTER 23: FACING THE LION
CHAPTER 24: GOING FIRST
Preface
““Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” They record that from the beginning God made them male and female. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
That wise man was Jesus and He was explaining God’s perfect plan for marriage. He designed it to be a union that lasts a lifetime and one that is enjoyed by the husband and the wife. They are to grow together in a bond that becomes stronger and stronger as time goes on. That bond, in fact, becomes so strong that it can never be broken apart.
That was God’s original plan and that’s what every couple envisions when they get married. We proclaim it in our vows. We’ll stay together “in good times and in bad times, in sickness and in health, until death do us part”. But more and more in our world today this is not happening. We see couple after couple start with the best intentions but slowly drift apart until the marriage becomes untenable. Eventually, they split, citing “irreconcilable differences.”
If God’s plan is for marriage to last a lifetime and every couple goes into their marriage wanting to make that happen—in fact vowing to make that happen—why are so many marriages failing? And, more importantly, what can we do to help us live out our vows and become that “one flesh” that nothing can split apart?
David and Lizzy Canales share some wonderful answers to those questions in this book This Marriage? They started their marriage journey the way so many couples do, with great expectations and with a love for each other that was so strong they never dreamed they’d encounter any turbulence along the way. But slowly problems did come. Distractions crept into their lives and before they realized it these two lives, which were supposed to be firmly united, we’re heading in divergent paths.
But unlike so many couples today they didn’t let their marriage wither away. They wouldn’t let it go. David and Lizzy resolved to get things back on the right track and rediscover that sense of purpose, and that intimacy, they had at the beginning.
I’m happy to let you know they have done just that. They have a beautiful family that is thriving in unity, just as God described. The question is, how did they do it? How did they turn This Marriage? (one with so many questions) into This Marriage! (one that is a shining example to their children and to everyone around them)?
In this book they share exactly how they did it, with a formula that is simple but not easy. As you read you’ll see that they had to go back to the fundamental promises they made to each other, and the promises they made to The Lord. Once they restored that commitment to each other they allowed God to do His work to turn that question mark into an exclamation point.
I know their motivation for writing this book was to encourage couples and help people find that unbelievable bond in their marriage that Jesus described. No matter where you are in your marriage journey this book will help you find the path to becoming—and staying—“one flesh”.
—Tony Dungy, NFL Coach (former) and Sports Analyst