Table of Contents
List of Practices xi
Introduction Anxiety Is a Doorway 1
Part 1 Anxiety and Its Messages
1 Anxiety Defined and the Call to Turn Inward 15
Symptoms of Anxiety 17
Origins of Anxiety 20
Anxiety Is Not a Game of Whac-A-Mole 24
Four Key Elements: Curiosity, Compassion, Stillness, and Gratitude 25
2 Two Cultural Messages That
Create Anxiety: The Myth of Normal and the Expectation of Happiness 35
The Myth of Normal 36
The Expectation of Happiness 39
There Are No Answers, Only Guideposts to Wisdom 41
To Be Human 43
3 Roadblocks to Healing 49
The Character of Resistance 49
Responsibility: The Key to Transformation 55
The Escape Hatch of Perfection: A Way to Avoid Responsibility 59
The Timeline of Healing 61
4 Transitions 63
The Three Stages of Transition 64
The Transitions That the Culture Doesn't Talk About 65
5 Months and Seasons: Attuning to the Rhythms of the Year 73
Autumn: The Season of Letting Go 75
Winter: Season of Stillness and Gratitude 78
Spring: The Season of Rebirth 84
Summer: The Season of Celebration 86
6 The Vulnerability of Being Present 89
No Escape Hatch from Life 90
The Fear of Feeling Too Good 92
Part 2 The Four Realms of Self: Healing Anxiety from the Ground Up
7 The Seat at the Head of Your Table 101
The Qualities of a Loving Inner Parent 102
8 The Realm of the Body 107
The Physical Symptoms of Anxiety 108
Low Blood Sugar and Anxiety 110
Food and Anxiety 112
Alcohol and Anxiety 113
Exercise 115
Sleep 116
Hormones 117
9 The Realm of Thoughts 121
Intrusive Thoughts and the Cognitive Manifestations of Anxiety 121
Accessing the Choice-Point 124
Developing Discernment: Whatever You Water Will Grow 126
Symbols, Metaphors, and Dreams 129
The Metaphor of Intrusive Thoughts 132
Living with Uncertainty: The Call of Intrusive Thoughts 136
10 The Realm of Feelings 141
Anxiety Is a Placeholder for Feelings 143
A Lifetime Habit of Avoiding Pain 145
Early and Ancient Pain 148
How Unshed Grief Morphs into Anxiety 151
Turn to Face Your Fear 153
Fundamental Human Feelings: Boredom and Loneliness 155
11 Longing 161
Root Versus Secondary Longing 161
The lives We Will Never Live 164
The Wisdom of Longing 167
12 The Realm of Soul 171
The Well of Being 171
The Essential Function of Healthy Rituals 174
13 When Anxiety Heals 179
Anxiety and Emptiness 179
The Fruits of the Labor 181
Part 3 Relationships
14 The Vulnerability of Connection 185
15 The Romantic Connection 189
What Is Relationship Anxiety? 190
What Is Healthy Love? 191
Fear Eyes or Cleat Eyes: Love Is Not the Absence of Fear 197
Key Concepts for Understanding Relationship Anxiety: Projection and the Pursuer-Distancer Syndrome 200
16 Parenting In An Age Of Anxiety 205
Worry Is the Work of Parenthood 206
Three Antianxiety Medications for Parents: Gratitude, Attunement, Taking the Long View 209
Helping Children with Anxiety 213
Teaching Kids to Feel Their Feelings 214
Fully Loved 217
Epilogue 221
Acknowledgments 223
Appendix A Relationship Red Flags 225
Appendix B Two Ways To Journal 227
Recommendations For Further Learning 235
About The Author 239
