The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation

by Melissa Rivers

Overview

This New York Times bestseller is a hilarious and inspiring tribute to the iconic comedian Joan Rivers by the person who knew her best--her daughter, Melissa.
 
Joan and Melissa Rivers had one of the most celebrated mother-daughter relationships of all time.  If you think Joan said some outrageous things to her audiences as a comedian, you won’t believe what she said and did in private. Her love for her daughter knew no bounds—or boundaries, apparently. ("Melissa, I acknowledge that you have boundaries. I just choose to not respect them.") In The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief and Manipulation, Melissa shares stories (like when she was nine months old and her parents delivered her to Johnny Carson as a birthday gift), bon mots (“Missy, is there anything better than seeing a really good looking couple pushing a baby that looks like a Sasquatch who got caught in a house fire?”), and life lessons from growing up in the Rosenberg-Rivers household (“I can do tips and discounts and figure out the number of gay men in an audience to make it a good show. That’s all the math you’ll ever need.”). These were just the tip of the iceberg when it came to life in the family that Melissa describes as more Addams than Cleaver. And at the center of it all was a tiny blond force of nature.
 
In The Book of Joan, Melissa Rivers relates funny, poignant and irreverent observations, thoughts, and tales about the woman who raised her and is the reason she considers valium one of the four basic food groups.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781101903834
Publisher:	Crown Publishing Group
Publication date:	05/05/2015
Sold by:	Random House
Format:	eBook
Pages:	304
Sales rank:	244,931
File size:	29 MB
Note:	This product may take a few minutes to download.

About the Author

MELISSA RIVERS is an Ivy League graduate, co-creator of the Red Carpet franchise, and the executive producer for the E! Entertainment series Fashion Police. She is also the author of Red Carpet Ready: Secrets for Making the Most of Any Moment You're in the Spotlight and is the first celebrity to partner with renowned online footwear brand Zappos.com. She lives with her two dogs and son, Cooper, in Los Angeles.

Table of Contents

Borrowed Time 1

She Works Hard for the Money 3

The Need to Succeed 7

Fly Me to the Moan 11

Sex, Lies, and Videotape 21

Death Be Not Loud 23

"Here's Johnny…!" 29

Truth Be Told 33

Moving on Up! 39

Can I Take Your Order, Please? 45

A Sport by Any Other Name 51

Fs and Us, Ps and Qs 59

The Gift of the Grab 67

Readin', Ritin', and 'Rithmetic 77

Some Things Never Change 81

Brains vs. Boobs 87

Better Living through Candy 95

Boy Meets Girl (or Whatever) 99

Everybody's Talking… About Everybody Else 107

"I Want to Live Forever…" 113

Just Say "Yes" 119

Speedy Gonzalez 123

A House Divided 127

Mirror, Mirror 133

Bogey & Bacall 141

Lock Up Your Virgins 147

The Purse 153

Dr. Frankenstein and the Red Carpet Monster 157

The Red Carpet Means You've Made It! 163

Know When to Fold 'Em 171

Swag the Dog 177

Something in the Oven 181

Too Soon? 185

I Love You… or Not 189

The Loo of Love 195

From Here to Maternity 199

Begin the BAGuine 203

Do Your Duty(-Free Shopping) 205

A Dingo Stole My Baby 209

Murder and Mayhem 213

Parenting a Parent 219

Not Under My Roof 229

Forty Is the New Fifty 233

Pillow Talk 237

I've Got a Secret 239

Customer Disservice 243

Fifty Shades of Cray 251

Ivy Day 257

Speaking of My Mother… 269

The End 277

Acknowledgments 283

Editorial Reviews

Melissa [Rivers] weaves together anecdotes, memories, speeches, lists and advice to create a sweet, personal narrative infused with Joan's trademark wit… Like any great standup comedian's act, the short chapters keep the audience wanting more, and her writing echoes her mother's self-deprecating, saucy tone.”—Associated Press

“Melissa [Rivers] has written a book, cleverly weaving Mom’s material into a bittersweet biography of their life together.”—People


“Joan Rivers famously asked, ‘Can we talk?’ So the question for her daughter, Melissa Rivers…is ‘Can she write?’ The answer is, clearly, yes.” —Newsday
 
“We have a winner. Oh yes we do. Of all the celebrity memoirs to have appeared in the last few months, we have from way back in the pack, the one that made an incredible stretch run to become the unquestioned leader…If there are any smart mothers out there notable for their outspoken candor and their pop cultural literacy, Melissa Rivers’ book will take care of their early summer reading needs quite nicely.” —The Buffalo News
 
“Very funny” —Page Six

From the Publisher