I've Got Sand in All the Wrong Places

by Lisa Scottoline, Francesca Serritella

Overview

“The mother-daughter duo returns with a collection of breezy summer essays, perfect for the beach, the pool or even the couch. This witty, insightful assortment of stories is a wonderfully entertaining look into the lives of two modern women.” –Parade Magazine

The New York Times bestselling mother-daughter team returns with a new collection in the series that Oprah Magazine calls the "Perfect Summer Must-Read," of funny and relatable true stories in the everyday lives of modern women. Lisa and Francesca give their multigenerational take on a variety of topics, from the terrors of Tinder to the indignities of the gym, and from fleece as formalwear to playing the lotto as financial planning, sounding like two girlfriends you’ve known your whole life. As with all mothers and daughters, Lisa and Francesca sometimes joke, sometimes fight, but always love their way through life’s best and worst moments. You’ll laugh along with them, and when you finish, you will want to share the fun with your mother, daughter, or best friend.

So join Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella as they travel from the beach to the city to the suburbs and all the places in between, exasperating, supporting, and enjoying each other along the way.

"Lisa and Francesca, mother and daughter, bring you the laughter of their lives." —Delia Ephron, bestselling author

“True tales of how we live now from a mother and daughter who are best pals—and a very funny writing team.” –People (Best Beach Book)

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781250059987
Publisher:	St. Martin's Publishing Group
Publication date:	06/13/2017
Series:	The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman , #7
Pages:	352
Sales rank:	1,154,963
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

LISA SCOTTOLINE is a New York Times bestselling and Edgar award-winning author of more than twenty-eight novels and coauthor of The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman books, including Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog. She also writes a Sunday column for The Philadelphia Inquirer. She has 30 million copies of her books in print, and she has been published in thirty countries. She lives in the Philadelphia suburbs with an array of disobedient pets.

FRANCESCA SERRITELLA is a New York Times bestselling author and a columnist for The Philadelphia Inquirer. She graduated cum laude from Harvard University, where she won the Thomas Temple Hoopes Prize for her novella. She is the co-author of The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman books, including Have a Nice Guilt Trip. Francesca lives in New York City with one dog and one cat, so far.

Hometown:

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Date of Birth:

July 1, 1955

Place of Birth:

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Education:

B.A., University of Pennsylvania, 1976; J.D., University of Pennsylvania Law School, 1981

Website:

http://www.scottoline.com

Table of Contents

I've Got Sand in All the Wrong Places Lisa 1

Fighting Like … Francesca 6

Little Black Dress? Lisa 11

Ho Ho Ho Lisa 14

Not a Creature Was Stirring Lisa 17

Auld Lang Sayonara Francesca 21

Changing Tide Lisa 24

Love Match Lisa 27

SWF Seeking Tamiflu Francesca 31

With Apologies to Mother Mary Lisa 35

The Storm Has Passed Lisa 39

Swipe Me Tender Francesca 43

Requiem for a Meal Lisa 46

People of Earth Lisa 50

The Quitters Club Francesca 53

Spanked Lisa 57

Advice to a Young Tradeswoman, Written by an Old One Lisa 61

How Much Is a Tracksuit? Francesca 64

Doggie Dramz Lisa 68

Mommy's Day Out Francesca 72

Celebrity Crushed Lisa 76

This Is the Pits Lisa 83

Judge Doorman Francesca 87

Got Limes? Lisa 91

I Saw the Sign Lisa 95

Incident Report Francesca 99

Laugh at My Pain Francesca 104

It's Not About Me Lisa 113

Mother Mary Flunks Time Magazine Lisa 117

Barbarians at the Frontgate Lisa 121

Milestone or Millstone? Lisa 125

Topping the Leader Board Lisa 129

Upgrading the Macaroni Necklace Francesca 133

The Amazing Disappearing Middle-Aged Woman Lisa 139

Bachelorette Bouncer Francesca 144

Tan, Don't Burn Lisa 148

Protect the Candle Lisa 151

Unhappy Madison Lisa 156

Breaking and Renter-ing Francesca 160

Spaghetti and Salad Lisa 165

Holiday FOMO Francesca 169

Game of Thrones Lisa 174

Facets of a Stone Francesca 177

This Call Is Being Monitored for Quality Assurance Purposes Lisa 184

A Thing of Beauty Francesca 187

Over Troubled Waters Lisa 193

Party Hearty Lisa 193

Rings of Love Francesca 200

Thanks for Asking! Lisa 204

Looking at My Garden Lisa 208

Pop Goes the Pill Lisa 212

Those Who Can't Date, Set Up Francesca 216

Empty Nesting for Experts Lisa 221

Empty Nesting for Experts, Part Two Lisa 225

Undefined Francesca 229

Everything Old Is Nude Again Lisa 233

The Unofficial Wedding Party Francesca 237

My Brain Hurts Lisa 240

Mother Time Lisa 244

God Gave You Two Francesca 247

In the Soup Lisa 250

Look Out! There's a Feminist Behind You. Francesca 255

Muted Lisa 259

AARP, or American Association of Retired Pets Lisa 265

They're Playing My Song Francesca 271

To Error Is Human Lisa 277

Conditional Lisa 281

Dog Must Love Francesca 285

The Godmother Lisa 289

Friendship on the Flip Side Lisa 295

You Aren't What You Eat Lisa 300

Acknowledgments 305

Editorial Reviews

Praise for This Series

“We get to be flies on the wall as the mother-daughter team fights, makes up, and hurls barbs just like you and your mom.” –O, The Oprah Magazine (PerfectSummer Must Read)

"Guaranteed laughs: short, sharp musings on life from [this] perennially hilarious mom-daughter duo." -Good Housekeeping

“The perfect present for moms, grandmas, and aunts.” —Cosmopolitan

“Mother and daughter give an entertaining, down–to-earth narration as they reflect on various aspects of their lives.” –AudioFile(Best Book of the Year)

“Readers can count on an ab-toning laugh session, a silly giggle, a sympathetic sigh, and a lump in the throat as life’s moments are rehashed through the keen eyes and wits of this lovable mother-daughter duo.” –Booklist

“More light, bright essays to delight fans of this mother-daughter writing team. This collection offers a gateway to their humorous, breezy style, featuring rapid-fire paragraphs and plenty of sarcasm.” –Kirkus Reviews

“Warm and engaging…Scottoline and Serritella bring wisdom and laughs.” –PublishersWeekly

“Hilarious and heartwarming tales about family, food, life,love, and the beach certain to delight readers of all ages.” –National Examiner

“Relatable…will have you laughing and crying.” –The Parkersburg News and Sentinel (Best Booksof 2016)

From the Publisher

05/09/2016
Scottoline, a prolific and bestselling thriller author, is joined again by her daughter, Serritella (the two write a column for the Philadelphia Inquirer called “Chick Wit”), for this warm and engaging seventh volume in their series. The duo discuss everything: their many pets, Scottoline’s embracing of the empty nest, and Serritella’s Manhattan doorman, who grades her boyfriends. Scottoline, nearing 60, has learned the joys of having time to get together with her best friend and do girls’ nights with her horse club, and of perfecting the art of saying no: “It took me fifty years to figure out what I was doing wrong and how to fix it.” She is liberated now that her life no longer looks like a to-do list. But not all is light-hearted fun, as when Serritella writes about being mugged and assaulted near her home in the summer of 2015. She’s shaken by trauma but also experiences kindness from strangers who come to her aid and locate her glasses, and from the police who stay with her all night and accompany her afterward when she walks her dog. Family is a perennially popular subject, and Scottoline and Serritella bring wisdom and laughs to make sure it never gets boring. Agent: Molly Friedrich, Friedrich Agency. (July)

Publishers Weekly

2016-04-19
More light, bright essays to delight fans of this mother-daughter writing team.For those unfamiliar with Scottoline and Serritella's previous books (Does this Beach Make Me Look Fat?, 2015, etc.), this collection offers a gateway to their humorous, breezy style, featuring rapid-fire paragraphs and plenty of sarcasm. Though the book's title and its July publication date point to this little book being seen on beaches across the country, Scottoline explains that though "you might be reading this book in the summertime…it chronicles a whole year in our lives, both the good and bad, beginning with the holidays, both the naughty and the nice." While Scottoline manages her menagerie of pets and her own life in the suburbs of Philadelphia, Serritella explores life in Manhattan. Scottoline explains the book is the seventh in a series, in which "Francesca and I have written about our lives alone and together, as mother and daughter. We're ordinary and normal, and the more you read about us, the more you'll see your own life and your own families reflected herein." The short, snappy entries—few longer than three to four pages, with most paragraphs featuring only one or two sentences—touch on subjects as varied as dating, aging, pets, Manhattan doormen, panic attacks, and the perils of book tours. Throughout, the authors shine a positive (some may say overly positive) light on life's bumps, surprises, and quandaries. Part of the charm of these essays is the way both women use humor to turn negative topics—e.g., receiving occasional hate mail, surviving a mugging and assault, contemplating the thought of dying—into moments of humorous and sensible reflection. A collection to dip into from time to time, sure to please fans. Harried book-club members will appreciate the brevity.

Kirkus Reviews