How to Survive a Human Attack: A Guide for Werewolves, Mummies, Cyborgs, Ghosts, Nuclear Mutants, and Other Movie Monsters

by K. E. Flann

Overview

Did you know human attacks account for a staggering 100 percent of premature deaths for witches, swamp monsters, cyborgs, and other supernatural, mutant, and exceptionally large beings?

The past millennia or so has seen not only an uptick in human attacks, but also increasingly indiscriminate victim selection. It is understandable to feel overwhelmed. From renowned preternaturalist K. E. Flann, How to Survive a Human Attack provides critical information at a critical time with chapters specifically tailored to their target audience, including:

·  A Zombie’s Guide to Filling the Emptiness and Moving Forward

·  First-Time Haunter’s Guide for Ghosts, Spirits, Poltergeists, Specters, and Wraiths

·  Self-Training 101 for Werewolves: Sit, Don’t Speak, Stay Alive!

·  What’s Happening to My Body?: Radioactive Mutants and the Safety of the Nuclear Family

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780762472543
Publisher:	Running Press Book Publishers
Publication date:	09/07/2021
Pages:	256
Sales rank:	1,076,961
Product dimensions:	5.25(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.85(d)

About the Author

K.E. Flann's writing has been featured in McSweeney's Internet Tendency, The North American Review, Shenandoah, and Michigan Quarterly Review, and a collection of short stories won the 2014 George Garrett Award at Texas Review Press. Excerpts from this incredibly important work have appeared or will appear in Word Riot, The Higgs Weldon, Defenestration, and Monkeybicycle.

Table of Contents

Part I Understanding Humans 01

Introduction: This Is Not Your Grandfather's Homo Sapiens 02

The Basics 07

Part II Species-specific Survival Guides 25

Frequently Asked Questions about Snacking and Mortality: A Zombie's Guide to Filling the Emptiness and Moving Forward 26

Swamp Monster Makeovers: Fabulous Species - Defying Transformations to Win Friends and Confuse People 37

First-Time Haunter's Guide for Ghosts, Spirits, Poltergeists, Specters, and Wraiths : How to Evict Squatters, Stay on Top of Mansion Disrepair, and Avoid Going to the Light 48

Self-Training 101 for Werewolves: Sit, Don't Speak, Stay Alive! 62

Decode Angry Feelings Using C++: A. Workbook for Androids and Cyborgs 75

Home Safety for Mummies: Welcome to the Third Eye Tomb Security System 92

The 6(66) Habits of Highly Effective Witches: Powerful Lessons in Survival Management 120

"What's Happening to My Body?": Radioactive Mutants and the Safety of the Nuclear Family 134

USA! USA!: Exceptionally Large Beings and the Unanticipated Stress of Acknowledgment (Large Print Edition) 148

The Benefits of Collaborative Consumption: A New Employee Handbook for Swarms, Flocks, Schools, Droves, Broods, Colonies, Murders, and Hordes 170

Sheltering and Aging in Place: Tech Made Easy for Vampires 191

Appendix I A Compendium of Human Repellants 211

Appendix II A Field Guide to Humans 225

Appendix III Tables and Illustrations on the Human Temperament 241

Acknowledgments 248

About the Author 249

Editorial Reviews

As a cyborg manufactured in 2067 and sent back in time to KILL ALL HUMANS, I found the advice in this book invaluable in blending in with the puzzling society of today.—Dan Vebber, co-executive producer, The Simpsons and Futurama

As a member of the walking undead, nothing ruins my day quite like some yahoo pulping my noggin with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. Thank goodness How to Survive a Human Attack is here to help me avoid detection while doggedly roaming the earth seeking the human brains I crave.—Rich Dahm, co-executive producer, The Colbert Report and The Middle

From the Publisher