Hit So Hard: A Memoir

by Patty Schemel

Overview

A stunningly candid portrait of the Seattle grunge scene of the '90s and a memoir of an addict during the last great era of rock 'n' roll excess, by Hole drummer Patty Schemel

Patty Schemel's story begins with a childhood surrounded by the AA meetings her parents hosted in the family living room. Their divorce triggered her first forays into drinking at age twelve and dovetailed with her passion for punk rock and playing the drums. Patty's struggles with her sexuality further drove her notoriously hard playing, and by the late '80s she had focused that anger, confusion, and drive into regular gigs with well-regarded bands in Tacoma, Seattle, and Olympia, Washington. She met a pre-Nirvana Kurt Cobain at a Melvins show, and less than five years later, was living with him and his wife, Hole front-woman Courtney Love, at the height of his fame and on the cusp of hers. As the platinum-selling band's new drummer, Schemel contributed memorable, driving beats to hits like Beautiful Son, Violet, Doll Parts, and Miss World. But the band was plagued by tragedy and heroin addiction, and by the time Hole went on tour in support of their ironically titled and critically-acclaimed album Live Through This in 1994, both Cobain and Hole bassist Kristen Pfaff had died at the age of 27

With surprising candor and wit, Schemel intimately documents the events surrounding her dramatic exit from the band in 1998 that led to a dark descent into a life of homelessness and crime on the streets of Los Angeles, and the difficult but rewarding path to lasting sobriety after more than twenty serious attempts to get clean. Hit So Hard is a testament not only to the enduring power of the music Schemel helped create but an important document of the drug culture that threatened to destroy it.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780306825071
Publisher:	Hachette Books
Publication date:	10/31/2017
Pages:	304
Sales rank:	529,350
Product dimensions:	6.20(w) x 9.10(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Patty Schemel is an American drummer, songwriter, and comedian best known for her work with the platinum-selling band Hole. She is on the board of the Rock 'n' Roll Camp for Girls in California, a non-profit organization that teaches girls all over the world that it's okay to be loud. She continues to perform, teach, and tour, currently with the band Upset, and lives in Los Angeles with her wife and daughter.

Table of Contents

1 Come Back When You Grow Up 1

2 Flaming Youth 10

3 One O' the Girls 16

4 New Town 16

5 Credit in the Straight World 22

6 Doll Squad 26

7 Sybil 32

8 Jabberjaw 38

9 Godsend 45

10 Son of a Gun 49

11 Rock and Rio 52

12 Heavy 58

13 Asking for It 64

14 Beautiful Son 72

15 Live Through This 77

16 Loaded 82

17 Playing Your Song 93

18 Take Everything 100

19 How to Buy Drugs in New York City 112

20 Patient Pat 114

21 The Art of the Four-Day Detox 124

22 Sister 127

23 Shut the Door 134

24 I'm Drumming as Fast as I Can 138

25 One Way or Another 141

26 Use Once and Destroy 150

27 Soon 155

28 Taking Care of Business 159

29 Walks Up on St. Andrews 165

30 Buying Drugs in L.A. 171

31 Six Months Gone 175

32 Bringing It All Back Home 180

33 The End of the Line 188

34 Pink Turns to Blue 193

35 Occupational Hazards 197

36 A Day in the Life 200

37 Rock Bottom No. 1 202

38 Back to School 207

39 Re/lapse 213

40 Privilege Set Me Free 217

41 Temperatures Rising 222

42 Je T'aime … Moi Non Plus 229

43 Walking with a Ghost 232

44 In and Out of Grace 237

45 A Northern Soul 244

46 Something Electrical 250

47 The Difference 259

Acknowledgments 271

Index 273

Editorial Reviews

08/28/2017
In her 50 years of life, musician Schemel has experienced some of the greatest highs and lows possible, from her career playing drums for the iconic grunge band Hole to the darkest depths of heroin and crack-cocaine addiction. It’s the latter that makes up the bulk of this heartbreaking memoir, as Schemel looks back on her history of addiction: her first drink at age 12, her first time shooting up, and her ensuing 30-odd stays in detox and rehab facilities before eventually cleaning up for good in 2005. Along the way, Schemel recalls the most harrowing periods of her life, including her time spent homeless in L.A. and doing sex work to survive. Schemel’s recounting is bluntly terrifying and provides invaluable insight into the ravages of addiction—and just as importantly, the possibility of recovery. Readers searching for juicy details on Schemel’s years with Courtney Love won’t be disappointed either (high, she took off her shirt during a Cleveland performance), and she adds fuel to speculation that Kurt Cobain was transgender, making this book a must-read for any grunge fan. 16 pages of black and white photos. (Oct.)

Publishers Weekly

"Reading about the myriad ways Hole drummer Patty Schemel—'the best musician in that band' as her pal Kurt Cobain put it—brutalized herself with addiction can feel like a kind of sadistic experience. And yet, Hit So Hard feels ultimately uplifting and hopeful, in part because its author so fully and completely appreciates what she's survived in order to have written it. Hit So Hard is a harrowing but heartwarming read. Schemel's made the years she got that others didn't count. And it shows."—Lizzy Goodman, author of Meet Me in the Bathroom: Rebirth and Rock and Roll in New York City 2001-2011

"Patty Schemel has lived a million lives and come out the other side. An amazing story, amazing book."—Mark Lanegan

"Hit So Hard is a compulsive read about the best worst times of a music scene torn apart by darkness and overshadowed by myth. Schemel writes with clear-eyed bravery about the chronic disease of addiction and offers hope for anyone still struggling to survive the '90s."—Jillian Lauren, author of Some Girls and Everything You Ever Wanted

"Often harrowing, frequently heartrending, and always insightful, Hit So Hard is far more than rock myth-making or a redemption story. In looking back unflinchingly at the literal highs and crushing lows of her life, Schemel's yielded a complex, compellingly readable memoir that possesses a truth and humanity few books of its kind ever truly capture."—Bob Mehr, New York Times bestselling author of Trouble Boys: The True Story of the Replacements

"Patty Schemel's drums have always been a wake-up call, the punctuation that makes serious the wild streams of punk consciousness her bands have expressed. This book is a wake-up call, too: a clearly considered, deeply honest look back at a rock scene that's often been mourned but rarely truly understood. Schemel writes most honestly about herself: she spares nothing and no one as she traces the path of addiction as it intersects with the privileges and costs of young fame. A must-read about rock 'n' roll realities."—Ann Powers, NPR Music Critic and author of Good Booty: Love and Sex, Black and White, Body and Soul in American Music

"Revisit the '90s as Schemel recounts the rise and rise of her band, as well as the devastating effects of her drug and alcohol addictions...[and] the music that taught her 'how to feel so much it hurt.'"—Elle.com

"[A] heartbreaking memoir...Schemel's recounting is bluntly terrifying and provides invaluable insight into the ravages of addiction-and just as importantly, the possibility of recovery...A must-read for any grunge fan."
—Publishers Weekly

"The ex-Hole drummer lifts the veil on the punk mythos with an unsparing memoir, in which she chronicles industry sexism, her teenage coming out, her struggle with addiction, and her years on the road with Kurt and Courtney."
—Village Voice

"This memoir by Hole's former drummer...is a no-holds-barred look at her musical career and harrowing, decades-long path she took to achieve sobriety."—Salon.com, 'The 30 must-read music books of Fall 2017'

"Explores her struggles with addiction, her departure from Hole, being homeless in LA, and her inspiring road to recovery...Schemel's memoir is as jaw-dropping as it is heart-breaking."—The Fix

"As much a memoir as it is both a cautionary tale and a work designed to help lift the stigma of being an addict...Engaging and unflinchingly honest...It's also an account of being in a famous band and working in the music business, as well as what Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain were like in private."—Spectrum Culture

"Understated and affecting anecdotes...make up the brunt of Patty's new memoir, Hit So Hard."—Vice

"Hit So Hard is one of the most honest-but moreover, one of the most useful-addiction memoirs in recent history...There simply aren't that many books like this where the rockstar is female...Schemel is not only an apt explainer of drug culture, she's also a gifted humorist in that fine tradition of blackness that can really only emerge from the depths of such despairing pursuit of death by overdose. Her description of the nature of the highs is much clearer than any of Lou Reed's compositions. Her explication of how to buy hard drugs from strangers in strange cities and get them on the airplane is reported with a level of detail that does more to examine junky psychology than any straightforward testimonial could. Her analysis of the comparative merits of various rehab and detox procedures is deeply wise to the nuances of how best to kick, and why these programs are not one size fits all. Hit So Hard pulls no punches. It's an unvarnished and unsensational account of how Schemel survived-how she outlasted her addiction, but also how she coped with coming out, with the sudden fame and chaotic demands of Hole, with the prolonged agony of Cobain's legacy, and so on...Schemel's memoir is proof...that through a committed combination of clarity and wit, even the most enabled and damaged rockstar might get a second chance at both love and music."—PopMatters

"Gripping...There's a commendable lack of celebrity kiss-and-tell here...Hit So Hard is really the story of a woman who got horribly lost and found herself only when she got back behind the trap set."—Portland Oregonian


"Though Hit So Hard is ultimately a deeply personal story, it's also the story of one of the most successful bands of the '90s: Hole...Schemel describes her years with the band with the same unflinching honesty and eye for telling detail that she brings to all parts of her life."—LA Weekly

"Patty Schemel is a woman who survives to fight and fought to survive, and her memoir is a recommended read for anyone that's ever felt just that little bit different."—Inspirer Magazine

"[Schemel] gives readers an intimate look into her experience as a member of Hole, one of the most iconic bands of the '90s."—Nylon

"As the drummer for Hole during the band's heyday in the early to mid-'90s, Patty Schemel is one of the era's most well-recognized and respected percussionists...Hit So Hard details her life leading up to her becoming a professional musician in some of the world's most famous bands...[and] the experience of being on the road, in the studio and at home with her generation's most lauded artists-herself included...Readers will find themselves transfixed by Schemel's tales of life as an addict, but also a working musician during one of the industry's most tumultuous yet exciting times."—Billboard.com

"The book speaks to having survived a veritable Hell on Earth and somehow coming out the other side intact and that's something worth celebrating."—Soundblab

"Schemel writes about life in the limelight and in the shadows with the kind of biting honesty that comes with surviving a period in rock history with an exceptionally high body count...While Hit So Hard is predominantly a story about recovery, it is also a rock memoir, and Schemel is an excellent storyteller."—Stereogum

"Schemel recounts her ultimately hopeful story of how an alt-rock feminist, lesbian and recovering addict survived what so many of her peers did not."—Billboard

"A harrowing account of [Schemel's] rise, fall and ultimate redemption...A cautionary tale, to be sure. But it's one that Schemel relates with a forthright lack of self-pity, even leavening some of the darker moments with humor."—Seattle Times

"[Schemel's] book is the very definition of a cautionary tale...[It] not only affirms [her] as a musician, it also speaks to the healing power of a creative life."—The Creative Independent

"An unflinching look at her life and the role drug and alcohol addiction played in it...Hard to read at times, Schemel's staunchly frank examination of her life, the good and bad...is a fascinating read."—Innocent Words

"A smart, clear-eyed look back at the 1990s alt-rock scene...[Schemel] writes with humor and insight."—Philadelphia Inquirer

"Frank reflections on how being in a band fuels addiction."—Pitchfork



"Unlike most insider grunge manifestos related to Hole or Nirvana, the centerpiece of Hit So Hard is not the rise and fall of the Cobains, though Schemel's time with both Kurt and Courtney is documented tenderly...The takeaway that Hit So Hard leaves you with is that being an addict is forever. You get clean and fight for your life, or you die. This is a story about needing to fill the void so badly that you end up, barely alive, coiled at the pit of it...Never have I read a more honest memoir about addiction."—Mish Way of White Lung, via Pitchfork

"Schemel's story is one of dramatic extremes, navigating the world as a queer woman from a family of recovering alcoholics."—Out.com

From the Publisher