Beyond Beliefs: A Guide to Improving Relationships and Communication for Vegans, Vegetarians, and Meat Eaters

by Melanie Joy PhD

Overview

"Vegans, vegetarians, and meat eaters can feel like they’re living in different worlds. Many vegans and vegetarians struggle to feel understood and respected in a meat-eating culture, where some of their most pressing concerns and cherished beliefs are invisible, and where they are often met with defensiveness when they try to talk about the issue. They can become frustrated and struggle to feel connected with meat eaters. And meat eaters can feel disconnected from vegans and vegetarians whose beliefs they don’t fully understand and whose frustration may spill over into their interactions. The good news is that relationship and communication breakdown among vegans, vegetarians, and meat eaters is not inevitable, and it is reversible. With the right tools, healthy connections can be cultivated, repaired, and even strengthened. In Beyond Beliefs, internationally recognized food psychology expert and longtime relationship coach Dr. Melanie Joy provides easy-to-understand, actionable advice so you can: • Learn the principles and tools for creating healthy relationships • Understand how to communicate about even the most challenging topics effectively • Recognize how the psychology of being vegan/vegetarian or of being a meat eater affects your relationships with others, and with yourself "

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781590565803
Publisher:	Lantern Publishing & Media
Publication date:	03/15/2018
Pages:	240
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Harvard-educated psychologist Dr. Melanie Joy is an expert on the psychology of veganism/vegetarianism and of meat eating, and her work has been featured by media outlets around the world, including the New York Times, the BBC, and ABC Australia. Dr. Joy is also a longtime relationship coach and communication specialist. She has traveled to 39 countries on six continents, where she’s spoken with thousands of vegans, vegetarians, and meat eaters about their experiences in “veg/non-veg” relationships. Dr. Joy is also the author of the award-winning book Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs, and Wear Cows, and she is the founder and president of Beyond Carnism. You can learn more about her work at carnism.org.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments vii

Foreword Kathy Freston ix

Chapter 1 Vegans, Vegetarians, and Meat Eaters in Relationships: The Problem and the Promise 1

Chapter 2 Relationship Resilience: The Foundation of Healthy Relationships 13

Chapter 3 Becoming Allies: Understanding and Bridging Differences 41

Chapter 4 The Hidden Dances That Shape Relationships 65

Chapter 5 Carnism: The Invisible Intruder in Veg/Non-Veg Relationships 75

Chapter 6 Being Vegan: Living and Relating Sustainably in a Non-Vegan World 97

Chapter 7 Unraveling Conflict: Principles and Tools for Conflict Prevention and Management 123

Chapter 8 Effective Communication: Practical Skills for Successful Conversations 149

Chapter 9 Change: Strategies for Acceptance and Tools for Transformation 177

Appendix 1 List of Needs 201

Appendix 2 Secondary Traumatic Stress Symptom Checklist 203

Appendix 3 Sample Conflict 205

Appendix 4 Chain of Conflict Chart 208

Appendix 5 Chain of Conflict Guiding Questions 214

Appendix 6 Requesting a Vegan Ally 217

Appendix 7 Requesting Compassionate Witnessing 220

Appendix 8 Requesting Respect 221

Appendix 9 Letter to Non-Vegan 223

Editorial Reviews

Beyond Beliefs will show you how to significantly reduce conflict and increase connection in all your relationships—with your partner, family, friends, colleagues, and even acquaintances. I can’t think of a single vegan, vegetarian, or meat eater who wouldn’t benefit tremendously from this book!” —Michael Greger, MD, author of How Not to Die and founder of NutritionFacts.org

“Dr. Melanie Joy addresses an important subject with keen insight and lucid thought.” —Glen Merzer, author of Off the Reservation

“This book can help people with any food beliefs significantly improve their relationships and communication. And if you’re vegan (or vegetarian), this book will also help you better understand yourself and be a much more effective ambassador for the cause.” —Colleen Patrick-Goudreau, author of The 30-Day Vegan Challenge and other books

“Melanie Joy is fundamentally shifting the way we view our relationship with others and ourselves, making the world a better and more compassionate place in the process.” —Nathan Runkle, Founder of Mercy For Animals

“In this insightful and engaging book, Melanie Joy offers wisdom, comfort, and advice for any vegan or vegetarian who’s ever felt misunderstood by meat eaters and for any meat eater who’s ever felt confounded by vegans or vegetarians. This book can show you the way beyond your beliefs, so you can relate and communicate with clarity and compassion. I highly recommend it!” —Lisa Bloom, civil rights attorney at The Bloom Firm

“Melanie Joy does a brilliant job of showing us how to negotiate veg/non-veg relationships and ultimately make them stronger.” —Dan Buettner, National Geographic Fellow and author of The Blue Zones

“I love this book. As a vegan married to a non-vegan, I found Melanie Joy’s advice on how to maintain a loving relationship regardless of people’s differences to be fantastic. I recommend this book to anyone seeking deeper, more connected relationships.” —Alexandra Paul, actress and health coach

“From the minute you meet Melanie Joy, it becomes clear that she is a catalyst for connecting you with your deepest levels of compassion and common sense. Instantly you wish you could be at least a fraction as articulate as she is. Luckily, you now have in your hands a guide to help you navigate distances between you and the others in your life, the world, and yourself. Beyond Beliefs will leave you feeling clearer, more connected, confident, and even— though many difficult issues are addressed—happier. Highly recommended for anyone who wants to be a more mindful agent for bringing the light of conscious living to everything from personal relationships to the predominant culture in which we live.” —Lani Muelrath author of The Mindful Vegan: A 30-Day Plan for Finding Health, Balance, Peace, and Happiness

“Melanie Joy thinks clearly, writes exquisitely, and persuades truthfully. Beyond Beliefs gently melts the bars of the cages which we erect around our beliefs. It deserves a place in every vegan library and on the reading list of every non-vegan.” —Philip Wollen, former vice president of Citibank and founder of Winsome Constance Kindness

“Navigating relationships can be hard, particularly for new vegans trying to figure out how to relate to their non-vegan friends and family. Dr. Joy’s book provides excellent guidance to help with these issues and provides vegans and others with the tools they need for social success.” —Dave Simon, Esq., author of Meatonomics

“This is such an important book. A huge part of being a vegan needs to be communicating effectively and respectfully.” —Moby, musician, author, and activist

“Dr. Melanie Joy is one of the most profound thinkers of our age. Read this book. Your life will never be the same. It will be much better." —Jane Velez-Mitchell, journalist and founder and host of JaneUnchained

“Melanie Joy hit the nail on the head! This is the book all vegans need, to gain perspective, alleviate compassion fatigue, and live healthy lives with a purpose!” —Shannon Keith, Esq., president and founder of ARME and Beagle Freedom Project

“As a member of a veg/non-veg marriage, I am grateful for Melanie Joy’s wisdom about living with a partner’s choices while honoring my own integrity. Beyond Beliefs is essential reading for anyone who wants mealtime to be a source of nourishment—physical, spiritual, and social.” —Linda Riebel, PhD, licensed psychologist and faculty, Saybrook Graduate School

“Melanie Joy’s work contains some of the very best thinking ever on the psychology of eating and provides the first really robust, consistent, deep analysis of some of our most critical food beliefs. In Beyond Beliefs, Joy has again made a major achievement. This book is, please excuse me, a joy to read. I cannot imagine anyone reading this without an 'aha' moment, and one for the good.” —Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson, PhD, author of When Elephants Weep and other books

From the Publisher