When Your Partner Has an Addiction: How Compassion Can Transform Your Relationship (and Heal You Both in the Process)

by Christopher Kennedy Lawford, Beverly Engel

Overview

Your partner's addiction takes a toll on both of your lives.

That doesn't mean you should turn your back on the person you love.

We've been told that staying with a partner who struggles with addiction—whether it be with drugs, alcohol, or addictive behaviors—means that we're enabling their destructive behavior. That wanting to help them means we're codependent, and that the best thing for both of us is to walk away from the relationship entirely. But is that true?

When Your Partner Has an Addiction challenges the idea that the best chance for recovery—for the addict and their partner—is to walk away. Instead, it makes the revolutionary claim that you, and the love you have for your partner, can be a key part of his or her journey to recovery.

Together, addiction activist and bestselling author Christopher Kennedy Lawford and psychotherapist Beverly Engel, MFT, take a fresh look at addiction and codependency—the latest research on what causes them and what the two have in common. Rather than treat addiction or codependency as disease or weakness, When Your Partner Has an Addiction honors the trauma and shame that often lie at their source and shows you how to use your love to combat that shame, allowing you to more effectively support your partner and heal yourself.

The research proves that, while you cannot "fix" your partner, you can have a positive impact on their recovery. Whether you suffer from codependency, and whether your partner is already in recovery, When Your Partner Has an Addiction provides you with proven techniques and strategies to drastically improve your relationship and help get your partner the help he needs—without leaving and while taking care of yourself in the process.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781941631867
Publisher:	BenBella Books, Inc.
Publication date:	10/04/2016
Pages:	232
Sales rank:	1,097,064
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Christopher Kennedy Lawford spent 20 years in the film and television industries as an actor, lawyer, executive and producer. He is the author of two New York Times bestselling books, Symptoms of Withdrawal (2005) and Moments of Clarity (2009).

In recovery for more than 25 years from drug addiction, Lawford campaigns tirelessly on behalf of the recovery community in both the public and private sectors. He presently works with the United Nations, the Canadian Center on Substance Abuse, the White House Office on Drug Control Policy, and the World Health Organization. He also consults with Fortune 500 companies and numerous non-profit groups, speaking around the world on issues related to addiction, mental health, and Hepatitis C.

In 2009, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger appointed Lawford to the California Public Health Advisory Committee. In 2011, Lawford was named Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations Office on Drugs & Crime to promote activities supporting drug treatment, care and recovery. He also serves as national advocacy consultant for Caron Treatment Centers.

Lawford holds a bachelor of arts from Tufts University, a juris doctor from Boston College Law School, and a masters certification in clinical psychology from Harvard Medical School where he held an academic appointment as a lecturer in psychiatry.

Beverly Engel is an internationally recognized psychotherapist and an acclaimed advocate for victims of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. She is the author of 21 self-help books, including 4 best selling books on emotional abuse: The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, The Emotionally Abused Woman, and Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman, and Healing Your Emotional Self. Her latest book, It Wasn't Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion came out in Jan. of 2015. Engel is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and has been practicing psychotherapy for 35 years.

Beverly's books have often been honored for various awards, including being a finalist in the Books for a Better Life award. Many of her books have been chosen for various book clubs, including One Spirit Book Club, Psychology Today Book Club and Behavioral Sciences Book Club. Beverly frequently lends her expertise to national television talk shows, and has appeared on Oprah, CNN, and Starting Over, and many other TV programs. She has a blog on the Psychology Today website as well as regularly contributing to the Psychology Today magazine, and has been featured in a number of newspapers and magazines, including: Oprah Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Marie Claire, The Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post, The Los Angeles Times, The Cleveland Plain Dealer, and The Denver Post.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Part I Love, Compassion, and Understanding

Chapter 1 Love and Addiction: Can They Coexist? 11

Chapter 2 Do I Love My Partner Enough to Stay? 25

Chapter 3 Hope and Compassion: The Keys to Healing 35

Part II Taking on a Compassionate Attitude

Chapter 4 A Fresh Look at Addiction 45

Chapter 5 A Different Perspective on Codependency 73

Part III Your Role in Your Partner's Recovery

Chapter 6 The Difference between Codependency and Compassion 101

Chapter 7 Should You Be a Supporter or a Collaborator? 115

Chapter 8 Becoming a Compassionate Supporter 127

Chapter 9 Becoming a Compassionate Collaborator 147

Chapter 10 Creating Your Own Self-Care Program 169

Conclusion 197

Appendix I Types of Childhood Abuse 203

Appendix II Options for Recovery 215

Endnotes 217

About the Authors 219

Editorial Reviews

"This complex issue affects the lives of millions of people and their families every day. Christopher and Beverly should be applauded for approaching a delicate subject with true compassion."
—Maria Shriver

"One of the best books available on codependency. . . . Here you will learn how to return to compassion and how to back off without backing out of a relationship altogether."
—Dr. Drew

"When Your Partner Has an Addiction is a godsend for the millions who feel trapped between hope and despair. . . . Lawford writes with elegance, wisdom, and compassion in a guide that can change — even save — your life."
—David Sheff, author of Beautiful Boy and Clean

"A terrific primer for dealing with a practicing addict that respects both partners struggle with codependency. It provides practical solutions to avoid enabling and how to be a compassionate supporter of your loved one."
—Darlene Lancer, author of Codependency for Dummies and Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You

From the Publisher