The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football: The NFL's Greatest Players, Plays, Scandals, and Screw-Ups (Plus Stuff We Totally Made Up)

by Dan Patrick, Joel H. Cohen

Overview

Celebrated sports commentator Dan Patrick and comedy writer Joel H. Cohen team up with some of America’s greatest* comedy writers to tell you everything and nothing about America’s sport!**

*“greatest” is actually just a bad type-o for “mediocre”
**No, not darts, we mean pro football. (book on professional darts coming never)

Did you know . . .

Tom Brady is a very good quarterback. (True, but only according to statistics and accomplishments.)

The formation of the NFL took place in an auto dealership. The founders started an institution and also were convinced to buy rust-proofing for it. (Half true.)

The Carolina Panthers originated as a book club but turned to football when they couldn’t agree on which John Grisham novel to read. (Maybe true. Research isn’t our thing.)

The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football is a love letter to America’s favorite game, full of highlights, history, great plays and players, scandals, Super Bowls, and a series of lies, idiotic theories, baseless conspiracies, a diet that may kill you and, of course, a poorly-written haiku. The book takes the credibility Dan Patrick has built up over a stellar broadcast career (ESPN, NBC Sports, something called “Peacock”) and risks it all with these falsehoods, half-truths, and even some quarter-truths.

This parade of inanity is co-written by Joel H. Cohen (3 Emmys, several cavities due to poor flossing) and includes contributions from certifiably hilarious people, such as:

• Andy Richter (Late Night with Conan O’Brien)
• Brian Kelley (The Simpsons, Saturday Night Live)
• Chuck Tatham (Modern Family, Arrested Development, How I Met Your Mother)
• Mike Price (The Simpsons, F is for Family)
• Donick Cary (Silicon Valley, New Girl)
• Christine Nangle (Inside Amy Schumer, Saturday Night Live)
• Broti Gupta (The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Simpsons)
• Rob Cohen (Saturday Night Live, Big Bang Theory)

Illustrated in two colors (black and white are colors, right?) The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football informs (a little), entertains (a lot), and is the perfect gift to taunt the Jets fans in your life.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781637743683
Publisher:	BenBella Books, Inc.
Publication date:	09/05/2023
Pages:	240
Sales rank:	54,270
Product dimensions:	7.00(w) x 9.10(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Joel H. Cohen was born and raised in Calgary, Canada. In addition to writing several films, two books, and complaints to newspapers about inaccurate horoscopes, he's been a writer/producer on The Simpsons for the last 21 years. Joel has won three Emmy Awards, three Writers Guild Awards, and, one time, a glass donkey in a game of bingo.

Dan Patrick is a Hall-of-Fame sports broadcaster and host of The Dan Patrick Show (1M+ listeners, 371 affiliates), a veteran of ESPN, NBC Sports, and the three-time host of the Olympics.

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

“I love Dan Patrick. I love his hair. I love his laugh. Heck, I love his musk . . . and now, I love his writing. No one is better equipped to blend humor with weird fun facts about the NFL than Dan Patrick. I repeat, no one. AND IF YOU DISAGREE I WILL FIGHT YOU!!”
—Will Ferrell

“If you’re a football fan, you need to have this book. You can read about the historic, iconic moments, as well as the obscure ‘who cares’ moments. And it’s done in a funny, enlightening way by one of my favorite people, Dan Patrick. It’s the perfect gift.”
—Tony Dungy, former NFL defensive back and head coach
 
“Talk about your perfect match: One of the greatest sports media interviewers and storytellers of all time has written a book about the NFL, the greatest narrative-generating machine in American sports history.”
—Rich Eisen, sports broadcasting legend
 
“I never learned so much and at the same time absolutely nothing at all. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has empty shelf space that would look just a little bit better if it displayed a book carrying the name of one of America’s broadcasting icons.”
—Mike Florio, creator of ProFootballTalk
 
“Only Dan Patrick can tackle the NFL in this way—with his trademark irreverence, wit, and institutional knowledge of the game—to produce this most entertaining and fun book, a must read for DP fans past, present, and future.”
—Andrea Kremer, Pro Football Hall of Fame journalist
 
“Dan Patrick is a mentor, leader, and friend.”
—Rodney Harrison, two-time Super Bowl Champion

Editorial Reviews

Tim Fannon narrates this world food tour crisply and deliberately. His delivery style is reminiscent of a news reporter's and captures the author's enthusiasm for discovering the unusual--for example, there's a long early chapter on insects. But listeners should persevere: Enlightening stories on Roman fish sauce, neolithic bread, British farmhouse cheese, and an endangered Spanish pig--the Ossabaw Island hog found on a barrier island off the coast of Georgia--and more are shared. The Canadian author's journeys explore vast diversity. He made the visits he describes to find a way "to a sustainable and more nourishing past." Taras Grescoe, an award-winning nonfiction writer, argues that a return to the flavors and foodways of the past will benefit a planet crippled by monoculture agriculture and processed foods. A.D.M. © AudioFile 2023, Portland, Maine

OCTOBER 2023 - AudioFile