Table of Contents
Part 1 A New Awakening 5
Chapter 1 Learning a New Way 5
The Roar of the Ego 11
How Fear Drives Our Anxiety, Anger, and Other Reactions to Our Children 13
The Part Played by Your Past 16
Is It Your Child, or Is It You? 18
How Our Children Are Our Awakeners 20
A Shift of Focus 23
Chapter 2 How the Culture Sets Up Parents to Fail 26
When Caring Feels Like Control 27
The Clash of Time Zones 29
What Children Really Need 31
Chapter 3 The Invisible Triggers of Our Reactivity 34
The Roots of Our Triggers 37
The Parental Kool-Aid 40
Part 2 Our Parenting Myths 45
Chapter 4 Myth #1: Parenting Is About the Child 47
The Problem with Child-Centric Parenting 47
The Tyranny of "Too" 51
Is Parenting Really an Unselfish Act? 53
Dare to Raise Yourself First 55
Chapter 5 Myth #2: A Successful Child Is Ahead of the Curve 61
Agenda-Driven Fun 62
The Curve Shows Up Everywhere 65
The Double-Edged Sword of "Reaching for One's Potential" 67
The "Unpotentialized" Child 69
Putting Things in Perspective 71
Chapter 6 Myth #3: There Are Good Children and Bad Children 75
Is It Defiance or Defensiveness? 78
Double Standards 81
Chapter 7 Myth #4: Good Parents Are Naturals 84
Moving from the Fantasy of Parenting to Reality 85
Chapter 8 Myth #5: A Good Parent Is a Loving One 89
Love Is Only a Beginning 90
When Love Doesn't Feel Like Love to a Child 91
Rethinking Our Ideas About Lave 94
Chapter 9 Myth #6: Parenting Is About Raising a Happy Child 98
Engaging Life "As Is"-Being Versus Doing 101
Learning About Happiness from Children 104
Chapter 10 Myth #7: Parents Need to Be in Control 107
Understanding the Limits of Our Control 108
Reframing the Concept of Control in Order to Raise Real Humans 110
Part 3 Understanding Our Reactivity 115
Chapter 11 Raising the Heal Child 117
How I Began to Awaken 118
Recognizing the Call of the Lost Self 122
Befriending Our Lost Self 124
Discovering Your Family's Emotional Blueprint 126
Chapter 12 What's Really Behind Our Reactions 131
Typical Pathways for the Expression of Fear 132
The Core of Our Fear 134
Entering Trust, Abundance, and Empowerment 157
Chapter 13 Transforming Fear into Consciousness 159
Emerging from the Shadows of the Past 163
Letting Go of Fantasy Parents 167
Separating Love from Fear 170
A New Path Lights Up Ahead of Us 175
Part 4 Transformative Parenting Skills 177
Chapter 14 From Expectations to Engagement 179
The Problem with Well-intentioned Expectations 182
What's the Unmet Expectation? 185
Out of the Head and into the Heart 187
The Dance of Nonduality 190
The Freedom of Engaging 192
Transforming Expectation into Engaging 196
Chapter 15 From Mindless Reaction to Mindful Presence 199
Entering the Present Moment 200
The Power of Impermanence 204
The Abundance of the "As Is" 206
Your Reaction Is Your Child's Trigger 211
Transforming Reaction to Authentic Expression 215
Chapter 16 From Chaos to Stillness 220
The Power of Silence 221
When Talking Creates Trouble-and the Value of Deep Listening 225
Discovering the Power of Your Presence 229
Making Time for Time 231
Chapter 17 From Role to No-Role 234
Tapping Into the Guidance of the Universe 236
Entering the No-Role Zone: Insights from Nature 238
The Power of the Antidote 243
The Power of the Container 244
Creating Rooms of Light 246
Chapter 18 From Emotions to Feelings 251
Creating a Direct Path to Feeling 260
Chapter 19 From Enmeshment to Autonomy 266
The Pitfall of Emotional Fusion 269
Developing Emotional Autonomy 271
Don't Fear Dissent 273
Embracing Pain 275
Chapter 20 From Judgment to Empathy 277
What Empathy Really Means 280
How to Empathically Address the Realities of Life 286
Empathy Does Not Mean Collusion 288
Decluttering Your Inner Landscape 290
Chapter 21 From Discipline to Enlightened Boundaries 293
You Cannot Set a Boundary You Don't Have 294
What's the Higher Purpose of Your Boundary? 297
Where Do Consequences and Punishment Fit In? 300
The Power of Clear Limits and Boundaries 302
The Mechanics of Holding a Limit 304
How Do Natural and Logical Consequences Really Work? 307
What's Your Embodiment Quotient? 312
Entering the Zone of Zero Hypocrisy 315
Redefining Discipline 318
Chapter 22 From the Battlefield to the Negotiation Table 320
Listening for the Untold Desire 321
Moving Away from Blind Indulgence 324
From Winning to Win-Win 326
Ending Sibling Wars 331
Subduing Divorce Drama 333
Red Flag Alert: Getting on a New Highway 335
The Courage to Be a Warrior of Peace 337
Epilogue: Shedding Skin, Shedding Light 339
Appendix: Thirty Daily Reminders to Build Consciousness 341
Acknowledgments 349