More Than Words: The Science of Deepening Love and Connection in Any Relationship

by John Howard, Stan Tatkin PsyD, MFT (Contribution by), Timothy Andr s Pabon (Read by)

Overview

Increase intimacy, connection, and love with this illuminating, science-based guide to creating meaningful and lasting relationships.

When it comes to building a better relationship with your partner, touch and connection matter so much more than the words that you say. And author and therapist John Howard is here to tell us why.

More Than Words shows you how to deepen love and connection in any relationship based on the latest cutting-edge research in interpersonal neurobiology, trauma-informed healing, attachment theory, and many more scientific fields. This book explains why verbal communication may not elicit the connection you seek and offers ways to practice and form new habits that can nurture love, care, safety, comfort, and passion in relationships.

Science shows that these techniques work, but most people don’t know them yet. You can start using these techniques today to increase intimacy and emotional connection in your closest relationships.

Mindful of all the needs of the modern individual, More Than Words is inclusive of LGBTQ+, polyamorous, and other nontraditional committed relationships and ultimately looks to elevate the way we strengthen the most important bonds in our lives.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781797139173
Publisher:	Simon & Schuster Audio
Publication date:	02/01/2022
Product dimensions:	5.83(w) x 5.67(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

John Howard is an internationally recognized therapist, wellness expert, and educator who uses the latest science to help couples have stronger relationships. He is the host of The John Howard Show, a wellness podcast, and the creator of the Ready Set Love® series of online programs for couples. John is a Cuban-American whose first language is Spanish and thus prioritizes diversity and inclusion, drawing on multicultural influences from years of traveling and studying indigenous traditions. He has presented on the neuroscience of couples therapy at leading conferences and developed a couples and family therapy curriculum for the Dell Medical School in Austin. In 2019, he developed Presence Therapy®, an integrative mind-body approach to couples therapy that is taught to psychotherapists worldwide. John is also the CEO of PRESENCE, a wellness center in Austin, dedicated to helping you achieve optimal physical, mental, and relationship health.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is the author of Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, and Love and War in Intimate Relationships. He has a clinical practice in Southern California, teaches at Kaiser Permanente, and is an assistant clinical professor at the University of California, Los Angeles.

Timothy Andres Pabon is an actor and Spanish and English voice-over artist/audiobook narrator from Washington DC. He has over 140 books on Audible.com, one of which was nominated for a 2015 Society of Voice Arts and Sciences Award and another which was awarded an AudioFile Earphones award as part of an ensemble audiobook cast in 2014. His voice-over clients include Gabrielle Giffords, Hillary Clinton, The Sierra Club, NBC, and the 10-episode series Chasing Che on National Geographic. He has been seen on House of Cards seasons 3 and 4 as Mark, a White house press correspondent. He has also been a costar on HBO's acclaimed series The Wire opposite country music legend Steve Earl. As a stage actor he has worked Off-Broadway at the June Havoc Theatre, and his regional credits include Center Stage, the Shakespeare Theatre, Arena Stage, The Hippodrome, Olney Theatre, Rep Stage, and GALA Hispanic Theatre. Tim is a proud father of two children, and a member of AFTRA/SAG and Actor's Equity.

Table of Contents

Foreword xi

Acknowledgments xv

Introduction xvii

1 Connection versus Communication 1

2 The Language of the Nervous System 21

3 Being Present Enough to Connect 37

4 Working Together as a Team 60

5 Developing a Practice Culture 84

6 Process over Content 106

7 Inviting Care 123

8 The World of Emotions 138

9 Words That Connect 160

Conclusion 177

Next Steps 187

The Big Ideas 189

Works Cited 193

Index 209

Editorial Reviews

11/08/2021

“Connection is in. Communication is out,” writes couples’ therapist Howard in his discerning guide to cultivating more fulfilling relationships. Though communication has long been touted as the key to a healthy partnership, Howard argues that modern neuroscience shows “Connection is what we’re really looking for, and it facilitates communication, not the other way around.” He offers a simple “roadmap” that readers can implement to strengthen their relationships by establishing trust and security. As he writes, “Knowing how to put others at ease and not elicit defensive reactions is an important key to forming bonds.” To harness this technique, he suggests six steps: Establish a mindset (and interact with others in a way that makes them feel “safe to... open up around you”); be aware of your presence; use connecting cues (start by “soften your facial expressions”); share feelings instead of “transactional communication”; prioritize the process (instead of “the content”); and take care of each other. He also shares valuable tactics for building emotional resilience, managing differences, and recognizing blind spots, as well as how best to heal and move through infidelity and other relationship traumas. While his insights aren’t exactly novel, they’re sure to get readers thinking about more mindful ways to connect with others. Those looking to dig deeper will find this a boon. (Feb.)

Publishers Weekly

"John is leading the next generation of relationship experts to change the landscape of relationship improvement, making it more inclusive and incorporating the latest science. More than Words is a brilliant guide to deepening connection that everyone can relate to." - Diane Poole-Heller, PhD, author of The Power of Attachment

"If you want to transform your partnership, run, don’t walk, to John. He includes the latest neuroscience and attachment principles in his work. As a couples therapist, John is the best of the best. He can help any couple significantly deepen their bond, connection and fun together." - Carrie Contey, PhD, author of What Babies Want

"More Than Words does a great job of weaving in the science that supports the need for connection experiences that are safe and warm and communicated beyond words. John has done a marvelous job of making complex science understandable and digestible without taking shortcuts or skipping over the details." - Juliane Taylor-Shore, LMFT, Founder, IPNB Psychotherapy and neuroscience trainer

“More than Words will enlighten you and give you a wealth of ways to enrich your relationship in delightful, new and surprising ways. Be sure to see the 10 aspects of building a strong team so you can connect and discover each other all over again. The way to build safe, rewarding connections is all here!” – Ellyn Bader, PhD, Co-Founder of The Couples Institute and early originator of couples therapy

"You must read this with your partner. Howard gives us a critical guide to a healthy, happy relationship. A must-read for thriving couples...and anyone who wants to be in a thriving couple!" – Vanessa Van Edwards, Bestselling Author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People

From the Publisher