Gender: Your Guide: A Gender-Friendly Primer on What to Know, What to Say, and What to Do in the New Gender Culture

by Lee Airton PhD

Overview

“An invaluable resource for both new and veteran allies...obvious and necessary” (Library Journal, starred review) information for everyone who wants to learn more about how to navigate gender diversity in today’s families, communities, and workplaces.

The days of two genders—male, female; boy, girl; blue, pink—are over, if they ever existed at all. Gender is now a global conversation, and one that is constantly evolving. More people than ever before are openly living their lives as transgender men or women, and many transgender people are coming out as neither men nor women, instead living outside of the binary. Gender is changing, and this change is gaining momentum.

We all want to do and say the right things in relation to gender diversity—whether at a job interview, at parent/teacher night, and around the table at family dinners. But where do we begin?

From the differences among gender identity, gender expression, and sex, to the use of gender-neutral pronouns like singular they/them, to thinking about your own participation in gender, Gender: Your Guide serves as “a warm, inviting guide to a complicated area” (The Globe and Mail, Toronto). Professor and gender diversity advocate Lee Airton, PhD, explains how gender works in everyday life; how to use accurate terminology to refer to transgender, non-binary, and/or gender non-conforming individuals; and how to ask when you aren’t sure what to do or say. It provides the information you need to talk confidently and compassionately about gender diversity, whether simply having a conversation or going to bat as an advocate.

Just like gender itself, being gender-friendly is a process for all of us. As revolutionary a resource as Our Bodies, Ourselves, Gender: Your Guide is “greatly needed...an impactful tool for creating a world more supportive of people of all genders” (INTO! Magazine).

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781507210703
Publisher:	Adams Media
Publication date:	06/11/2019
Edition description:	Reprint
Pages:	240
Sales rank:	1,078,296
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.10(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Lee Airton, PhD, is assistant professor of gender and sexuality studies in education at Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario. They are a frequent keynote speaker and media commentator and are regularly asked to consult on gender-neutral language and gender diversity issues in relation to media, policy, and education. They founded TheyIsMyPronoun.com, a blog on gender-neutral pronoun usage and user support in 2012 and the No Big Deal Campaign (NBDCampaign.ca) in 2016. Learn more at LeeAirton.com.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments 11

Preface: Why This Book Matters 13

Introduction 19

Part 1 What to Know 23

1 Understanding Gender in Today's World 25

Fact or Process? Two Broad Schools of Thought about Gender 26

Biology and Socialization Affect Each Other 31

How Gender Works in Everyday Life 34

2 Everyone Is a Gender Expert, Whether You Know It or Not 45

A Story: I Really Need Those Shoes 46

Drawing Your Gender-Friendly Road Map 48

Gender-Friendliness Is a Process 52

Gender-Friendliness: How Everyone Benefits 55

3 Learning about the Transgender Spectrum 57

Why Are Some People Transgender? Because We Are 58

Transgender People Are Diverse 59

Transgender People Have Many Ways of Transitioning 78

Common "Knowledge" about Transgender People Is Changing Over Time 87

Part 2 What to Say

4 A Gender-Neutral Pronoun Primer 93

WHAT Are Gender-Neutral Pronouns? 94

WHO Uses Gender-Neutral Pronouns and WHY? 98

The HOW of Gender-Neutral Pronouns 102

5 Strategies for Using People's Pronouns Correctly 113

Tips for Getting Pronouns Right, As Best As You Can 114

Comparing Two Common Pronoun Workarounds 120

How Do I Know? Ways of Finding Out Someone's Pronouns 123

What If I Do All These Things and Someone Still Gets Mad at Me? 134

6 Noticing and Changing Gendered Language 135

Pushing Out of Gendered Language 135

General Uses of Singular They in Work and Life 136

Alternatives to Common Gendered Language 142

Part 3 What to Do 151

7 How to Stop Telling People Who They Are, Gender-Wise, by Accident 153

You're the Authority on Your [XYZ], Not Me! 154

Gender-Friendly Ways to Talk about Partners 157

Gender-Friendly Ways to Talk about and Engage Babies and Kids 159

It's Not My Business Which Washroom You Use! 160

8 An Action Plan for Standing Up Beside Your Person 165

1 Pay Attention 166

2 Opt Out of Question-Calling 166

3 Identify Hot Spots 167

4 Take Action 168

Now You Have Your Gender-Friendly Toolkit 182

9 Growing Your Gender-Friendly Community 183

It's Hard Sometimes: How to Face the Challenges of Being Gender-Friendly 184

How to Debunk False Arguments Against Gender-Friendly Change 192

Tips for Taking a Leadership Role with Others 202

Last Word 207

CODA: To the Trans Person Whose Person Is Reading This Book 209

Who Am I and Why Did I Write This Book? 210

Self-Advocacy Tips and Resources 211

Glossary 215

Resources 219

Bibliography 225

Index 233

Editorial Reviews

"This guide is unlike anything else available today, and an obvious and necessary item for collections of all kinds."

—Library Journal (starred review)

"Lee Airton’s book ‘Gender: Your Guide’ is a vital resource toward understanding and inclusiveness.... A must-have for everyone, and not only those who are trans, gender non-conforming or non-binary—or who have someone trans in their life."

—The Washington Post

"What I like most about how the author writes is how they combine their knowledge about gender, language and identity with a warm and caring tone. I feel like Airton is both my smartest and best friend on this subject matter."

—TED

"A helpful primer for those who need help negotiating gender situation and issue at work, in a social situation, and within their families. ... The book may just change your thinking and the way you deal with gender diversity."

—The Advice Sisters

“A wealth of information useful for creating safe and welcoming space for all gender expressions.”

—TD Magazine

From the Publisher

"Now, with increased visibility and acceptance of transgender and gender-non-conforming people, workplaces are facing a new learning curve. Airton offers a warm, inviting guide to a complicated area."

The Globe and Mail

"Extremely approachable and informative."

BethanyHenry.com

"Airton tackles each topic addressed in this timely book with precision, wit, and compassion."

Register Herald

"Greatly needed. Following the Trump memo, which pivoted on the idea that sex and gender are different, Gender: Your Guide instead approaches gender as a process rather than a fact. Gender: Your Guide is an impactful tool for creating a world more supportive of people of all genders. Introducing many new concepts into understanding gender, the guide isn’t quite like anything else available. Each chapter is rich in details, debates, and resources. If you’re new to gender issues and want to get informed, Gender: Your Guide is the right book for you."

INTO! Magazine