But What Will People Say?: Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love, and Family Between Cultures

by Sahaj Kaur Kohli MAEd, LGPC

Overview

“This wonderful book is a compass, a blueprint, a mirror, and a friend. Kohli gives language to what many of us feel but can’t yet articulate.”—Erika L. Sánchez, New York Times bestselling author of I am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter

“Loving, culturally informed, and holistic... [Kohli] compassionately shares her own story, and guides readers through the nuances and pain of assimilation, individuation, and mental health. How I wish I had this book back when I was trying to figure it all out for myself!” —Ramani Durvasula, PhD, author of It’s Not You

A deeply personal, paradigm-shifting book rethinking traditional therapy and self-care, creating much-needed space for those left out of the narrative

Writer and therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli grew up knowing exactly what it means to straddle multiple cultures at once. Like many children of immigrants, she has often found herself plagued by questions: Can I establish my own values and embrace where I come from? Is prioritizing my mental health really rejecting my culture? How do I set boundaries and care for myself when family and community mean everything? Even after becoming a therapist herself, she saw those same gaps in the mental health world, leading her to wonder, like so many children of immigrants: what about us?

While conversations around mental health are becoming increasingly open, our models remain largely Eurocentric and focused on individuality. Sahaj has sought to challenge these long-held models, using deep personal reflection, therapy, community building, and a whole lot of trial and error, eventually navigating her own way to understanding and acceptance. Here, she shows us how to get there, all the while reminding us that personal healing is inextricably connected to collective healing.

But What Will People Say? elegantly weaves together personal narrative, anecdotal analysis, and comprehensive research. Sahaj offers advice and tools for everything from navigating generational trauma, guilt, and boundaries, to breaking down stigmas around therapy and celebrating cultural duality. Democratizing and decolonizing the way we think about mental health and self-help, Sahaj’s incredible work is nothing short of a revolution.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780593491195
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	05/07/2024
Pages:	432
Sales rank:	25,127
Product dimensions:	6.30(w) x 9.20(h) x 1.60(d)

About the Author

Sahaj Kaur Kohli, MaEd, LGPC, is the founder of Brown Girl Therapy (@BrownGirlTherapy), the first and largest mental health and wellness community organization for adult children of immigrants; a licensed therapist; and a columnist for the Washington Post’s advice column “Ask Sahaj.” Sahaj’s words and work have been featured in Today, Good Morning America, CNN, TED, The New York Times, HuffPost, and more. Sahaj also serves as a consultant, educator, and international speaker. She has sat on panels and delivered workshops and keynotes for nonprofits, higher education institutions, and the White House, Amazon, Google, athenahealth, Merck, JPMorgan Chase, LinkedIn, and UNICEF, among others. This is her first book.​

Editorial Reviews

02/26/2024

Psychotherapist Kohli ventures beyond traditional Western therapeutic approaches in her innovative debut guide to mental health. Born to Indian immigrant parents, Kohli grew up grappling with her identity, finding only “white and therefore culturally individualistic” perspectives in self-help books. She became a therapist and in 2019 founded the online community Brown Girl Therapy to “raise awareness of ways in which we can decolonize therapy and mental health care.” Drawing on personal anecdotes, client stories, and online polls, Kohli digs into such issues as the “internalization of societal, cultural, or familial standards” that shape immigrant kids’ “dominant narratives” (“It can feel like we are characters written into our parents’ stories”) and the tension between retaining one’s heritage and assimilating for the sake of safety or ease. Kohli’s own narrative—growing up feeling trapped between two cultures; dealing with academic pressure; telling her parents she was dating a white American who became her husband—forms the backbone of the book, providing a solid foundation for thoughtful reflection questions, exercises, and tips on such topics as “cultural imposter syndrome,” in which one lacks a sense of grounding in both host and heritage cultures. Those seeking self-help beyond “eurocentric and colonial” models of care will be eager to dive in. (May)

Publishers Weekly

As a therapist and journalist, [Kohli] has explored the struggles of children of immigrants searching for what’s normal and where they can fit in...It’s the book she longed for in her youth; hopefully, it will be a guide for others facing similar challenges.” —Booklist

“This wonderful book is a compass, a blueprint, a mirror, and a friend. Kohli gives language to what many of us feel but can’t yet articulate. At times it was as if I were reading my own story, now equipped with the tools to understand and thrive in this confusing world.” —Erika L. Sánchez, New York Times bestselling author of I am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter

“For those of us who straddle cultures and countries, it can often feel like we don’t really know who we are, where we belong, and what feels truly authentic to us. Sahaj Kaur Kohli understands this intimately and gives us language to understand our experiences, and tools to help us bridge our personal need for individuation with our cultural needs for community. For children of immigrants looking to do the intergenerational work of healing, decolonization, and collective liberation, this book is a must read.” —Layla F. Saad, New York Times bestselling author of Me and White Supremacy

“For anyone who has had to straddle the gap created by immigration, and the complex intersection between duty, obligation, loyalty, independence, anxiety, and the drive to make our parents’ sacrifices ‘worth it all,’ Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s beautiful book takes a loving, culturally informed, and holistic view. She compassionately shares her own story, and guides readers through the nuances and pain of assimilation, individuation, and mental health. How I wish I had this book back when I was trying to figure it all out for myself!” —Ramani Durvasula, PhD, author of It’s Not You

“In her beautiful debut, Sahaj Kaur Kohli draws on her life-giving work as a therapist to challenge the stories we’ve been told to believe to win acceptance. With radical honesty and empathy, Sahaj breaks the traditional self-care model for community care, returning us to true belonging rooted in love.” —Valarie Kaur, bestselling author of See No Stranger

“But What Will People Say? is like a strong root finding sunshine, weaving with other roots, pushing out and up. . . . That is what Brown Girl Therapy and this book do: weave stories and therapy into a beautiful, colorful garden of community. It bridges gaps where Western mental health drops the ball. It is accessible, truthful, and healing—what we need to decolonize our therapies and address our people’s historical trauma.” —Dr. Jennifer Mullan, author of Decolonizing Therapy

“Sahaj writes with great insight, clarity, and an uncommon grace and warmth. There is a reason her work has struck a nerve, and this book approaches with nuance (and love) the complex and multidimensional challenges and blessings, heartaches and joys that we go through as we grow into ourselves. I wish I’d had it sooner, and you will too.” —Farnoosh Torabi,  author of A Healthy State of Panic

“Universal yet wholly specific to each person’s individual struggles, Sahaj writes with compassion and expert authority, guiding us along a path to honor where we come from, our communities, and ourselves. A heartfelt, thought-provoking, and deeply tender book that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. A must read.” —Sarafina Nance, author of Starstruck

From the Publisher